I recently watched an interesting TED Talk, given by French philosopher Yann Dall’Aglio, titled Love – You’re Doing it Wrong, in which he argued that striving to be the perfect lover often leads to the opposite, or – worse – a complete breakdown of the relationship.
Dall’Aglio believes the modern-day pursuit of being the perfect lover is delusional. “It leads to couples obsessed with performance who’ll break up, just like that, at the slightest under-achievement,” he says.
We should forget about performance, he continued, and instead ease into an imperfect relationship. I watched his talk and shouted at my screen, like a crazed sports fan (ie, me when I’m watching Orlando Pirates), mainly because I’d long believed that I sucked at love and had therefore always striven to be “perfect” in it.
As a result, I spent all my adult relationships pretending I had an idea of what I was doing, when in fact I was just winging it.
Because I’d internalised the idea that I had to be “perfect”, I was pretty much a faux person and an even worse partner because I wasn’t… human. Or real.
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